The Whispering Grove Page 9

  ‘Youth,’ Justin smiled, and there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. ‘What happened to this wonderful new ballet?’

  ‘It’s going on. There’s a great future promised for Kevin.’ She took the letter from her bag and handed it to Justin. ‘This came today.’

  It rustled as he unfolded it and scanned its contents, and it seemed an interminable length of time before he folded it and passed it back. He said quietly, ‘It’s all clear now. I’m sorry, my dear.’

  She sighed, and with a convulsive movement crumpled, the thin sheets and flung them into the waste-paper basket beside the desk.

  He said, ‘You loved him?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You’ll love again,’ he said calmly.

  ‘No.’ Her voice was flat, devoid of expression. ‘Never again in that way.’

  ‘Never?’ Justin smiled slightly. ‘At nineteen! Oh, Toni, you may as well forbid the sun ever to rise again.’ He touched her shoulder. ‘Surely you know in your heart that you could never marry this boy. No matter how fiercely you believed you loved him. You mistook a shared devotion to something dear to both of you for something totally different. Did you ever wonder how you would make the choice between career and marriage?’

  Yes,’ she said in a whisper, ‘I used to wonder if he would return my love and how I would choose when that time came. But it never came ... ’

  ‘Some day you’ll know what your answer would have been, had that time come. Believe me, if it had been love and Kevin returned it I doubt if you’d have been weeping all over my cushions tonight, ruined career or not.’

  Her eyes shadowed and she stayed silent. Had Kevin in his way loved her? For the first time she tried to examine calmly in retrospect a relationship which at its time of being had seemed impossible to imagine ever ending. She and Kevin had seemed so close they could read one another’s minds; it was more than close, it was an affinity. Soul mates, one cynical acquaintance had once dubbed them. Was Justin right? Had it been shared interests and understanding, and the emotional sphere in which they worked that had drawn them so close? Sadly she recognized the truth in the wisdom of the man now at her side. She had read far more into that mutual affection than Kevin had ever intended she should. Now she could never equate that strange sexless relationship with the kind of love she instinctively realized Justin meant.

  Love! Did that kind of love exist? The love which could sweep aside all other considerations. Somehow she had always vaguely imagined that love must be akin to that wild, unbelievable ecstasy which a dancer’s response to a soaring melody could engender. She had experienced that wondrous elation many times, had believed she shared it with Kevin. And now its transient joy had gone for ever. No, she couldn’t believe in that kind of love. It was a myth, a dream. Norene’s cynical assertion was nearest the truth. Love was a mixture of imagination, affection, expediency and selfishness; or just plain sex.

  She stood up abruptly, giving a horrified glance at her watch. ‘It’s nearly three - I’d better get back.’

  ‘I’ll walk you over.’

  At the door he paused, his glance falling on her bare shoulders. ‘You haven’t a wrap.’

  ‘I’m perfectly warm.’ She stepped out on to the veranda and gave an involuntary shiver as she looked into the black velvet night.

  ‘Here, it may look odd, but no one is going to see you at this time of the morning.’ He shouldered out of his linen jacket and draped it round her shoulders. ‘I’ll just get my other jacket. I won’t be a moment.’

  She drew the garment more closely about her, aware of a sense of comfort derived from his warmth still lingering in the soft silkiness of the lining. His shadow fell across her and without speaking she strolled at his side through the garden and along the track. When they reached the fork he took the narrower path towards the grove, and a little surprised but without demur she followed. It was a longer way round this way, but she did not care. With luck Marise would have got everyone away and might have retired by the time she got back. She hoped so; she did not want to see anyone else or talk until she had had time to think.

  She was increasingly conscious of Justin’s silent presence and a sudden desire to break that silence thrust itself up in her thoughts. But to her exasperation she was tongue-tied. What could she say? Certainly not that this strange interlude had surprised her. Or that she was seeing him now in a totally different light. The depth of his understanding and his kindness had moved her considerably, and she had completely forgotten her earlier resentment at the untimely appearance he had made in the grove. Now she was thankful and she wanted to tell him so. Heavens! had he really carried her all this way to the villa? What were his true thoughts behind that masterful shock treatment? Why had he bothered about her?

  He’s sorry for you, the small voice of reason supplied instantly, and she caught her breath. She didn’t want him to be sorry for her. Her head came up proudly and firm new resolve strengthened. Too many people had been sorry for her, and the most dangerous offender had been herself.

  ‘Toni.’

  Her head jerked round. ‘Yes.’

  ‘You asked me about a job.’

  ‘Yes,’ she responded, a little breathlessly.

  ‘You haven’t changed your mind?’

  ‘Of course not, especially after tonight.’

  ‘I didn’t mean that. Are you definitely going to stay here?’

  ‘Yes, I thought I’d made that clear.’

  ‘What can you do? Can you type, book-keep, invoice? Or teach?’ ‘No,’ she sighed after an appreciable pause. ‘I can’t do anything like that, I’m afraid. My qualifications are rather useless here,’ she added wryly. ‘Unless ...’ she looked up at his shadowed face, ‘I take Kit Manton’s offer.’

  ‘I shouldn’t advise that.’ He sounded harsh.

  ‘Then have you thought of anything?’ she asked timidly.

  They had reached the grove and he halted, looking down at her with eyes which were rather worried. ‘No, I haven’t,’ he said slowly, ‘except ... will you come and look after Juliet?’

  ‘Juliet?’ She stared at him. ‘But you don’t understand. I want to earn my living and find a place of my own when Marise gets married. I have no income now, and my father didn’t leave a fortune. He spent a great deal on my training.’

  Justin frowned. ‘I thought... Surely, Toni, your father left quite a lot invested in Caro-Fryer? And it’s developing fast. Haven’t you talked this over with Marise?’

  ‘No. I - you see my father died very suddenly, and—’

  She gulped. ‘Please don’t think there’s any dispute over money. Marise did write to me to explain that he’d left no will and she would let me know how things were when she got sorted out. I wrote back and told her not to worry about me as I could support myself quite easily. And there it stood until I— When she heard what had happened she insisted that I come home as soon as I got out of hospital.’ She stopped, unwilling to voice her suspicion that there was very little left of her father’s capital. In her careless way Marise had been kind and well-meaning; somehow it seemed disloyal to think of it. And after all, unlike Norene, she had no blood kinship with Marise.

  ‘I see,’ Justin said at last, thrusting his hands into his pockets and staring over her head.

  ‘And as for your suggestion ... Please don’t think I’m not grateful. I love Juliet and I love being with her, but I couldn’t think of it.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Well, if you want me to be a sort of full-time companion, I’m not qualified.’ She paused, the inevitable suspicion occurring. ‘You’re not just inventing this? Making a ready-made job for me?’ ‘No, Toni, I’m not inventing anything. I’m afraid I’m not making it clear. I’m not offering you a ready-made — as you tactfully term it — post as nursery governess to my daughter.’ ‘Then what?’ Puzzled now, she stared up at him,

  ‘I’m asking you to marry me.’

  CHAPTER SIX

  I’m asking you to m
arry me!

  A light breeze stirred the leaves and its whisper through the sleeping grove swelled to a tumultuous echo in Toni’s ears. Had those words actually been uttered? Or was the fantastic proposal the distorted figments of overwrought imagination?

  Her eyes enormous dark pools in a blanched face, she searched the shadowed planes of his features for confirmation that it was indeed not a dream.

  A flicker disturbed the grave tranquillity of his mouth and he said: ‘Don’t look so astounded, child. I’ve merely proposed marriage. I don’t expect you to swoon into my arms with an immediate affirmative.’

  ‘Yes, but ... Marriage!’ She found her voice. ‘But I don’t - you don’t even—’ The unspoken word lingered in the air as stupefaction overcame her again.

  ‘Love?’ His mouth flickered again. ‘Is that the word which eludes you? But you’re not seeking love, Toni. Ever. Or so you said. What you are seeking is security, a solution to a problem which is worrying you.’ He shrugged. ‘Something to replace everything you’ve lost. You asked my help. I’m offering it, and the only solution I have to your problem.’

  ‘Yes, but marriage,’ she said helplessly. ‘I never thought ... expected you to ...’ Again she stared searchingly at him, still unbelieving and at a loss to fathom the motive behind this drastic solution. At last she looked away. ‘What about you?’ she whispered.

  ‘What will I gain from it?’ The cool practicality with which he translated her tentative venture into a definition seemed almost cruel. ‘Shall we leave my side out of it for the time being? I’ll be perfectly honest with you. Until this moment marriage had no definite part in my plans for the future. And at this moment I’m concerned only with the welfare of Juliet, and yourself. Juliet has become devoted to you in an astonishingly short space of time, and I have no doubts now about your reciprocal affection. She’s lonely and she needs you. And unless I’m greatly mistaken you need her. Certainly you need something stable at this point of your life.’

  She caught at the jacket as it threatened to slide from her shoulders and clutched it tightly with fingers which seemed to have lost their power. The warning lights flashed in her brain as she sought to marshal lucidly the host of objections to a rash course of action which could lead only to disaster.

  Perhaps mistaking her hesitation, he said evenly: ‘Let me ensure that there are no misapprehensions at the outset. I know perfectly well that you don’t regard me in a romantic light. I don’t expect love from you. Do you understand?’

  He watched the slight inclination of her head and went on: ‘There is a great deal in favour of a calm, companionable relationship. The heights are not easily attained, and the valleys can be desolate, as you have discovered to your cost. Emotion renders one too vulnerable, hapless at another’s whim. I sometimes wonder it’s worth the fleeting moments of ecstasy.’

  Toni’s mouth twisted and her head moved convulsively. ‘I - I don’t know what to say.’

  He took a deep breath and suddenly his eyes were intent. ‘Listen, Toni, don’t begin by fearing this marriage as a trap from which there is no escape. That is far from my intention. Let me reassure you. None of us can foretell the future. If the time should arise when you should desire your freedom I promise not to hold you against your will.’

  Involuntarily she recoiled from his cold, reasoned planning. She said wildly, ‘But do I have to marry you? I can still be Juliet’s companion if you really want me to and look after her without -without—’

  ‘No, Toni.’ He shook his head. ‘Not on this tight little island. For myself, I’m impervious to gossip and veiled insinuations, but I refuse to expose you to that unpleasant risk.’

  For a moment she was silent, unwillingly seeing the truth in his assertion as various remarks of Norene’s flashed back into her mind. She said almost angrily: ‘But if I did marry you; what of Juliet? It’s inevitable that she’ll become close to me. How could I be free again? You can’t make bargains with a child’s emotions? And what of you?’ Her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘What if you

  should want your freedom?’

  ‘I think we agreed to leave my side out of it,’ he reminded her, ‘and in any case that contingency is extremely remote.’

  Again she was silent, uncertain, yet strangely bound by some force she could not define. At last she said shakily, ‘No, Justin, it’s impossible.’

  ‘For me? Or for you?’

  ‘Neither of us. For Juliet’s sake.’

  ‘You love Juliet, don’t you?’ he said with a sudden flash of tenderness.

  ‘Too much ever to risk hurting her.’ Toni looked away.

  ‘Yes.’ He sighed. ‘I’m afraid that would be my only condition attached to our marriage. That you would stay at least three years with me. Then Juliet must return to England to complete her schooling. The break would be eased. And somehow,’ his eyes searched her face, ‘I feel sure that whatever arrangement we came to you would never allow it to affect your friendship and affection for her.’

  She listened to this with growing dismay, and when he was silent she burst out: ‘How can you try to map out human destiny? To plan the end of a marriage before it even begins?’

  ‘No, Toni,’ he said fiercely, and now he betrayed a glimmer of anger. ‘Can’t you see? I’m not trying to end anything. I’m trying to offer you a sanctuary; one with a loophole,’ he added bitterly. If we marry, as far as I’m concerned, it will be with no thought of ending it.’

  She bowed her head, lost now in a bewilderment of conflicting fear and emotion. She said, ‘I don’t know how to answer you. I never expected - this.’ Her hands fluttered their gesture of helplessness.

  ‘You don’t have to say anything until you’ve had time to think,’ he said abruptly. ‘We’d better go. It’s dreadfully late.’

  He turned away, and she stumbled along at his side, following where he led with a blind instinct. He did not speak again until the villa loomed against the purple sky, faintly luminous in the dim light of the lantern above the veranda. At the foot of the three steps he halted and looked down into her troubled face.

  ‘There’s no need to look so frightened,’ he said calmly. ‘I haven’t pronounced a life sentence on you. You’ve only to say no.’

  ‘Marriage should be a life sentence — at least I’ve always thought it so,’ she said in a low voice. ‘A sentence of joy.’

  ‘Marriage is what two people make it,’ he said in even cadences, ‘but perfection is hard to attain. And even more difficult to keep. Now you’re tired. Too tired and overwrought to make decisions. I suggest you forget about it all, until another day.’ He stepped back. ‘Good night, my dear.’

  ‘Good night ... Oh, your coat.’ Half-way across the threshold she

  turned and slipped the jacket from her shoulders and darted back.

  He caught the jacket, tossing it across the crook of one arm, and when she hesitated before him gave her a brief, somewhat ironic bow of thanks and strode quickly into the night.

  The pale blur of him faded into the shadows and she went slowly into the villa, closing the door and leaning back against it, unable to think of anything except the man who had suddenly proposed to take over her future. Fragments of their conversation reiterated through her brain, already hazy and disjointed like the elusive memories of a dream when the waking intellect becomes ascendant. But this was no dream ...

  A slight sound brought her sharply back to the alert. She held her breath, moving silently towards her room, praying she had not disturbed her stepmother. With a sigh of relief she reached her room and groped for the door handle. Then through a sudden flood of light came Marise’s querulous tones:

  ‘Is that you, Toni?’

  ‘Yes.’ Her heart sank.

  ‘Where on earth have you been?’ Marise emerged from her room, pulling the girdle of her lilac nylon dressing gown taut about her waist. ‘Do you know what time it is? Running out on the party like that; without a word.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Toni
looked longingly into the dimness of her room. ‘I - I didn’t think.’

  ‘But where’ve you been till this time of the morning? And how did you get home? I didn’t hear any car.’

  ‘I walked. I’m sorry I’ve disturbed you.’

  ‘Walked?’ Marise looked horrified. ‘Alone?’

  ‘Justin brought me home,’ Toni said wearily.

  ‘So that’s where you’ve been!’ Marise frowned, then demanded suspiciously: ‘I thought he was away.’

  ‘He must have got back - I forgot to ask him.’ By now Toni hardly knew what she was saying.

  Marise’s eyes took in the pallor of fatigue and the strain haunting the shadowed eyes and her mouth tightened. ‘I don’t understand. Was anyone else there?’

  Toni shook her head and closed her eyes despairingly. An inquest from Marise was more than she could bear at this moment. She said wearily, ‘I - I had a headache and the place was so hot. I — I had to have air and I walked down towards the beach. I bumped into him and went back with him for a drink.’ She turned away and went into her room.

  But she was not to escape so easily. Marise followed and planted herself firmly in the doorway. ‘I do wish you’d remember that this isn’t London. Surely you’ve realized what a hotbed of gossip Port is. And with Justin Valmont, of all men. Already there’ve been a few remarks about the time you spend over there with that child.’

  ‘Oh!’ Toni took a step forward. ‘But he’s not always there.’

  ‘I know.’ Marise waved mollifying hands, ‘But everybody wondered where you’d got to tonight. It was going on three before the last guest went and you still hadn’t come back. Oh, it’s not that I mind, darling, how long you stay out. You know I don’t think anything of it, but it isn’t very nice when I hear that ghastly Irene Sandanna saying it hasn’t taken my stepdaughter very long to get through Justin Valmont’s smokescreen.’